by Helen
It had been a busy week at work, and the week ahead looked even busier. Normally I pour myself into planning every detail of a trip. I like structure, and the busier life becomes, the more I rely on schedules to keep myself steady. So the fact that I had done almost nothing to prepare for this trip was proof I needed this break.
If I’m honest, I approached the retreat with a little cynicism. I wasn’t expecting much, partly to protect myself from disappointment. Lately I’ve been disappointed often. And while having high standards can be good when they push you to grow, I know they become harmful when they turn into judgment.
When my friend and I arrived at the retreat center, two members of Axia greeted us warmly. Aside from seeing a few posts on social media, I knew almost nothing about Axia. First impressions were good, but I tried to withhold judgment until I saw more. After settling into our room, we joined the other attendees and began the evening’s activities.
Almost immediately, women approached—one after another—not with small talk, but with genuine interest. All weekend long, people took time to get to know me and allowed me to know them. I was stunned. They listened deeply, asked thoughtful questions, and seemed to truly care about my story.
And their stories—my goodness. The knowledge they carried, the places they had traveled, the challenges they had overcome…it all unfolded more richly with every question I asked. I kept thinking, Where have these women been all my life? I thought if nothing else came from the weekend, I had spent time in the company of remarkable Orthodox women. But this was a retreat, after all.
At one point, it felt as though I were watching the pieces of a puzzle slide into place. Facts, Scripture, a lifetime of faithful learning began forming a picture. And what struck me most was that the picture was only possible because of women. Each woman present, much like the Myrrhbearing Women, added her own piece—support, hospitality, wisdom, presence—much like those who walked with Christ, enabling His work to unfold on earth.
Once again, I was reminded of the rich beauty of Orthodoxy. Yes, we read the Gospels to learn the events of Christ’s life, but the presenters weaved Scripture with hymnography, iconography, tradition, other holy writings. It didn’t stay intellectual—it became physical. We walked, we carried a cross, we felt the wood beneath our hands and breathed the incense in the air.
And then we dreamed. Together, we imagined the day we would travel to the Holy Land. It didn’t feel like watching another Rick Steves episode and thinking, “Maybe someday.” It felt urgent—When? We need to make this trip happen.
Not long after the retreat, I had lunch with a friend and shared everything that had happened, encouraging her to look into Axia as well. She listened for a while and then said, “I can see this has lit a fire in you.” She was right. I had been smoldering for a long time and didn’t know how to rekindle it. Sometimes you can fan a flame yourself. But sometimes you need someone else to bring a log. I had run out of fuel. And at this retreat, I found a community of women willing to share theirs.